I nickmaned Jefferey "Dembitchy" a few years back and have called him that periodically over the years when we he gets in one of his moods.  Well over New Years there was a BIG PINK ELEPHANT lurking around and it was KILLING ME not to talk about it.  Well sticking to my "Shut The F*ck Up" entry I kept quiet.  Jefferey and I talked about the Elephant and I accepted responsibility for feeding the Elephant (until I realized that the Elephant was stomping on him).  I glad that Jefferey decided to write about his feelings and put it all out in the open.  I am pretty open with most things but my emotions/feelings are off limits expect for my closest family and friends.  Jefferey is the reason I started blogging, maybe one day I'll be able to raw what my emotions. 
I am copying and pasting  Jeffery's entry below.   Clink on the link at the end of the entry to view the video.

This is the last of the usable video from when Coley and Rick visited. I wanted to get this up there so I could at least introduce all of my New Year's companions. I also promised Rick airtime on the blog; the last time Rick was here, I made a fabulous video of all the things we did. I even spliced in some music. Unfortunately, YouTube couldn't process the video after all of my editing, and nobody ever got to see that video.

In this video, you can tell Rick was very excited to spend time with someone at the museum who not only appreciated it as much as he did, but who could talk intelligently about the different pieces. Michael and Rick got along quite well while they were here. I have to admit, I was very jealous. I have a confession to make; all of my previous lovelorn entries were about Michael.

I knew both Michael and Rick had developed a fascination with each other during Rick's last visit. The visit was so short, though, I never thought anything would come of it. I knew this visit was going to be longer, and different. I thought I could deal with it, I felt mentally prepared. As I've said before, Michael has always been quite clear that we are just friends. I've seen Michael with other men and been fine with it, mostly because I could physically walk away and not have to watch it.

But having Coley, Rick, and Michael stay with me the entire weekend made running away an unavailable option. I sat on the couch next to them as they held hands. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. I thought I could make it through lunch the next day as they smiled at each other and held hands some more. I did, I made it through lunch... but I don't think I was breathing. It felt as if they were both holding my heart in their intertwined hands and crushing it.

I know I have no logical reason to be angry with either of them. I don't think their displays of affection were purposely meant to tear me apart. Those who know me well I'm sure would say this is karma biting me in the ass. Regardless, it still hurt. I explained to Michael why it hurt once Rick left; I still don't think he understood. In a way, the whole situation might have been somewhat therapeutic. I was forced to deal with my emotional breakup more quickly than I would have liked. Maybe that's for the best; I can move on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfWE6rmK8Dg